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Offices... |
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Buy A Boon Island
Office Today!
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Since it is widely
known and quite legal under the Constitution of the Republic of Boon Island,
the following government offices are available for the taking, however, in
order to obtain the position you want you must be a
Citizen of Boon Island and then pay the
standard published amount (a/k/a bribe) to the Treasurer of the
American Lighthouse Foundation.
Once you have
obtained an office by bribery, you will receive the necessary papers,
certificate or wall plaque, to properly display and show all your friends
and relatives. Also, at that time the appropriate press releases will be
sent to the media to announce to the world just how important you really
are.
As a respected
leader of the Republic of Boon Island you will be able to share your insight
and expertise to the world and for a change, people will listen.
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As our population
base continues to grow, there will be a need for additional political and
government offices. If you think of one that is not listed please feel free
to contact us and by bribing the right people with the right amount of
money, you might just get what you want.
All of our
positions would make great gifts to give for just about any occasion,
Fathers Day, Mothers Day, Teachers Day, Valentines Day and Christmas
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By purchasing the office of your choice you will have helped to save the
historic Boon Island Lighthouse.
To
pay for the top 5 offices, send a check to:
American Lighthouse Foundation
Attn.: Boon Island Bribery Department
P.O. Box 565
Rockland, ME 04841
or
with credit card information:
Phone: 207-594-4174
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OFFICES FOR SALE!
Get yours today!
President - $100,000
Previous experience in despotism helpful but not necessary. Moral
flexibility a must. People skills are a plus.
Vice President - $75,000
Assume Presidential duties when needed. Hold gavel for Parliament.
Other
duties as signed.
Attorney General - $25,000
Secretary of Defense - $25,000
Will
keep Boon Island safe from harm.
Secretary of State - $25,000
Secretary of the Treasury - $25,000
Print
and distribute official Republic of Boon Island currency (the Boonie).
Artistic skills are required; paper and a new 96-color box of Crayons will
be provided.
Order these Offices online right now, please note name for certificate in
the special note section during checkout!
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Secretary of Commerce - $2,000
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Deputy Secretary of Commerce - $1,500
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Secretary of Transportation - $2,000
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Secretary of the Interior - $1,275
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Secretary of the Army - $1,000
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Deputy Secretary of the Army - $550
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Secretary of the Navy - $1,000
Once you can't
see the coast, the Navy takes over.
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Deputy Secretary of the Navy - $550
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Secretary of the Air Force - $1,000
Once we figure
out where to put a runway, we intend to amass the largest Air Force we can
muster.
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Deputy Secretary of the Air Force - $550
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Director of the Central Disinformation Agency - $750
Send spooks
(secret agents) on exciting action/adventure movie-esque assignments
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Admiral of the Navy - $350
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Admiral of the Coast Guard - $350
After you get
out of the harbor, it's the Coast Guard's turn to play!
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General of the Army - $350
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General of the Air Force - $350
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Chief of Parliamentary Procedures - $300
Make some laws
and play "keep-away" with the Vice President's gavel.
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Inspector General - $300
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Deputy Inspector General - $250
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Postmaster General - $300
Maintain and
expand bottle collection to send mail to United States for processing.
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Deputy Postmaster General - $250
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Commissioner of Public Safety - $285
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Commissioner of Police - $275
To serve and
protect. Also to keep people from falling off the island.
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Deputy Commissioner of Police - $225
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Director of Inland Waterways - $200
Find us some.
Forked stick provided.
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Director of Transportation - $200
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Harbormaster - $200
All we have is
harbor . . . someone has to be in charge of it.
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Director of Propaganda - $250
Can you sell ice
cream to an Eskimo? Then have we got a job for you!
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Superintendent of Schools - $200
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Surgeon General - $200
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Code Enforcement Officer - $175
All new
buildings must be up to code. The Code Enforcement Officer may need to
enlist more deputies for the building boom of Boon.
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Tax Assessor - $150
Declare property
values for all your neighbors.
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Department of Corrections Warden - $150
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Airport Manager - $125
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Chief Librarian - $89
It is
recommended, although not required. that the librarian be familiar with both
volumes in the Boon Island Semi-Pub1ic Library: Herman Melville's Billy
Budd, Sailor (study notes version) and the timeless classic, Men are from
Mars; Women are from Venus.
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Director, Historical Society - $99
Easy job. Not
much old news changing.
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Director, Department of Animal Welfare - $99
Preserve,
protect and educate the public about the vast diversity of wildlife on Boon
Island.
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Secret Agent (more than one) - $100
Go on exciting
action/adventure movie-esque assignments.
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Bridge Commissioner - $45
First duty is to
begin the building of the bridge to York, Maine.
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Snow Removal Commissioner - $42
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Advisor to the President (more than one) - $75
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Goodwill Ambassador (more than one) - $50
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Law Enforcement Officer - $37
Once we have
some laws, someone is going to be tempted to test them.
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Director, Department of Renewable Energy - $25
Will work
closely with other offices (Department of Sanitation) in developing
"Alternative fuels."
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Director, Department of Sanitation (Seagull Poop Collector) - $25
Someone's got to
do it!
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